Gratitude and How to Find It
Late last summer, I was going through a rough time.
I had just quit my job and started working at a new company. I was having a hard time making friends at work. I ate lunch alone most days. The calls at work were rough. I felt overqualified and underpaid. I felt like I had lost my identity and I quickly found myself in a dark place.
I was applying to other jobs, but I felt like I was forcing and pulling the universe in the direction I wanted it to go and no matter how much I tried, I kept getting nowhere.
The main solace I had was my morning commute.
I would listen to new music, turn it up loud, and sing at the top of my lungs. I’d also listen to my favorite podcasts or sometimes even listen to Eckhart Tolle or Thich Nhat Hanh speak about life, the ego, and happiness.
One day in September, I was driving into work and the weather was unseasonably cool. I rolled down my windows and turned on my music––full blast. I can’t remember the song I was listening to, but as I pulled into the parking garage and I got out of my car to walk across the connecting bridge, I was overcome with an immense wave of gratitude.
And I started to cry.
Not because I was sad, but because I noticed the way the trees were starting to turn colors. The way the weather was just perfect that day. The sound of the wind in the trees. I was feeling appreciation for the little sliver of time I had in my car in the mornings. How the culture at this company was so much better than my last. How people were caring. I thought about all these things at once and my heart swelled up...
And I looked at a tree and I lost it.
That same week, I was given a new role, moved desks and met amazing friends, and finally felt content for the first time in over a year. I felt whole.
Why is gratitude important?
When people talk about the key to happiness, gratitude is often mentioned as a main factor.
Why? Because gratitude is one of the highest vibrational states you can embody.
According to the law of attraction, all thoughts essentially become manifested in your reality. Therefore, if you are thinking along the terms of gratitude and having an appreciation for life, you will then attract more of those feelings into your life making you feel happier.
Need more scientific proof?
Check out the many studies on gratitude and mental health on Google.
Or, check out this one done by professors at Indiana University. They took 300 college students who were all receiving mental health counseling at school for depression or anxiety. Out of the whole group, the first group was told to write one letter of gratitude to another person each week for three weeks. The second group was asked to write about their deepest thoughts and feelings about negative experiences. The third group did not do any writing activity.
In the end, the group asked to write gratitude letters showed significantly better mental health compared to the other two groups for 12 weeks after the study ended.
The study also showed, “It was only when people used fewer negative emotion words in their letters that they were significantly more likely to report better mental health. In fact, it was the lack of negative emotion words—not the abundance of positive words—that explained the mental health gap between the gratitude writing group and the other writing group.”
Simply put, the act of practicing gratitude shifts your brain away from a negative state and doesn’t allow space for negative thoughts or words.
Personally, I write three things I’m grateful for in my planner every night before I sleep. Other studies have proven that by writing down three things you’re grateful for everyday, you can actually start to rewire your brain to be more happy.
Are gratitude and appreciation the same?
When you are feeling gratitude (some also believe it’s more appreciation than gratitude, but the terms are often used interchangeably), you are feeling thankful or appreciating something you were given.
People like to think of this in terms of gifts, such as: A person gave me a gift. Therefore, I am grateful for their gift. I thank them as a token of my gratitude.
However, when we are thinking of gratitude from a higher vibrational sense–more in the tone of appreciation–we are giving thanks for things we already have or are experiencing.
So, how do we live with more gratitude? How do we shift to this state of mind when things are hard?
Starting to choose a mindset of gratitude is a two step process.
Step #1: Succumb to the present moment.
When you are focused on the present moment, your brain physically can’t ruminate on the past or worry about the future. You are forced to pay attention to what is in the now.
Most advertising or marketing today is designed to have us focused on what we don’t have. We think all day about what we wish we looked like and acted like or what we wish we had. A better job. A loving relationship. More money. More material things. More. More. More.
It’s hard to be grateful when you are always thinking about a lack.
I wasn’t able to feel my moment of overwhelming gratitude at work until I succumbed to the present moment. I realized that while I didn’t have exactly what I wanted, I was enormously grateful for my morning commute.
Meditation, mindful breathing, and slowing down can all help with accepting the present moment.
Download my 7 Minute Morning Gratitude Meditation here!
Step #2: Reevaluate your thoughts.
When you start succumbing to the present moment, you can then focus on observing your thoughts as they flow throughout the day.
If you start to receive a “lack” thought, you’re better equipped to reframe it.
Let’s say you’re mentally complaining about having to go to work in the morning. Choose to give gratitude for one good thing instead–for me, this was my morning dance party in the car on my way to work!
Scrolling on social media and feeling bad about your body image? Put the phone down and take out a sheet of paper. Write down all the things you love about yourself. Turn this moment of “not-enoughness” into an opportunity to practice self-compassion and love.
Living in gratitude
When we start living in a state of gratitude, we start bringing more abundance and happiness into our lives. The mundane becomes magical, the challenges become learning experiences, and the present moment becomes all you need.
