Lessons on Fear
I’m a pretty fearful person––I’ll admit it right off the bat. I’ve never liked scary movies. I hate roller coasters. I have a fear of insects. You know, the “normal” stuff.
But I also suffer from anxiety. Since middle school, I’ve suffered anxiety that wasn’t just “butterflies.” It’s the kind of anxiety that can truly cripple a person if they let it. I won’t get into too many details (because to me, everyone has their struggles), but I’ve always stuck to the mindset that I wouldn’t ever let my anxiety rule my life.
HA. (That’s my anxiety laughing.)
It’s not as simple as saying, “Be fearless.”
“Don’t worry about what other people think of you.”
“Just be yourself.”
Or is it?
In Elizabeth Gilbert’s Magic Lessons podcast, she spoke to author and life coach Martha Beck about “leaping into the fire.”
Martha mentioned her fear of public speaking in grade school and how she overcame her fear by signing up for the debate team. At a competition, she flat out fainted in front of the audience during a speech. When the judge asked her if she wanted to keep going, she figured,
“Well, the worst has already happened, so I might as well keep going!”
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While this method may not work for everyone, I’m starting to learn that it’s something that works for me. When you know the worst thing has already happened (or the best motivation of all—you have nothing to lose), fear starts to lose its power.
But what happens when the worst things haven't happened yet?
I think people tend to forget the ways that fear or anxiety can prevent us from doing not only the essentially life-changing things, but seemingly simple things, too. But, once you start to really take a look at your life, you begin to realize that… the simple things and the big things are all one thing. This one thing is your life. Your one and only life you’re ever going to have.
And then you realize just how much your fears have kept you from living.
For the truly awakened, there’s an app on the App Store called WeCroak that five times a day will send you a reminder that you’re going to die.
“Don’t forget you’re going to die.” It taunts you on the screen.
It’s based on an old Bhutanese folk saying that to be a happy person, “one must contemplate death five times daily.”
While some may find this slightly morbid, to me it’s the most enlightening reminder that no matter how afraid you are of something, no matter how terribly a day is going, no matter ANYTHING… you are going to die one day.
Things that are difficult take on less weight when you think about death. Scary things become possible. Just like Martha “leapt into the fire,” we must do the things that scare us because it’s a way of proving in Death’s face that we are ALIVE.
I myself have decided to learn from the words of Eleanor Roosevelt and not necessarily do one thing a day that scares me (Are you kidding me? Eleanor clearly didn’t struggle with anxiety), but one thing per week. That’s 52 scary things in a year. Some will be small. Others will be huge. I will document them all. Some publicly, some not.
This will be a test, not of conquering fear, but befriending it. A reawakening.
I’ll leave with this poem from Mark Nepo (I discovered while reading his book, The Exquisite Risk: Daring to Live an Authentic Life)
Death pushed me to the edge.
Nowhere to back off. And
to the shame of my fears,
I danced with abandon
in his face. I never
danced as free.
And Death backed off,
the way dark backs off
a sudden burst of flame.
Now there’s nothing left
but to keep dancing.
It is the way
I would have chosen
had I been born
three times
as brave.
